I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
