Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
