i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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