I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
