my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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