I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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