When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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