i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
