At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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