Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
