woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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