dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
