I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
