I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
