I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
