Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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