CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
