I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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