I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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