so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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