Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
