so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
