Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
