I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We have so much sex to catch up on
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
