I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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