There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
