i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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