it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
