Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
