so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
