Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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