Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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