just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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