so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
