He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
