Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
