I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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