"it" just moved
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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