So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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