You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
