either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
