oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
