She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
