she woke up with a sticky ear
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
