This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
