I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
