Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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