the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
