NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
