I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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