He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
