What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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