all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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