im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
