Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
